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  • Jane Koszowski

to heal

To heal

If you believe we come into this world whole and perfect, in spirit if not body, then why do so many of us leave with a shattered broken spirit, using our last breath in prayer to find the peace of wholeness once again? I know, I believe, we are born with the purist of spirits, still mingling with the angels of the universe, whatever form they may take. I have seen that holy spirit, innocent and wise, free of all that may be broken in spirit, three times over in my arms. I can still feel the communion of those first few moments in the newborn eyes of all three of my children. It is the moments held in their gaze that I knew, they were still untouched by this world, our warped existence; they were still of the spirit world and I unwillingly, unknowingly would most likely be the first to taint their pure spirits. In spite of my mindfulness and love, I would be the first of many to break their wholeness, their holiness.

And so the journey begins, even in the most privileged homes and circumstances, we step into the trial of living. Each step fraud with the potential to break us, minutely or majestically, body, mind, spirit or a combination of all three. I have yet to meet a person unscathed by the journey. We are all a bit broken by the process, some more than others, but we all share the human experience in all imaginable ways of becoming broken. We all share the human experiences of becoming broken.

It may be analyzed and diagnosed in psychology. It may be qualified and graded in achievements at school, work or relationships. It may be felt energetically as the life force in the chakras shift out of alignment. It may go unrecognized, channeled underground in the neuro-pathways of denial or dissociation. It may play out in brilliant forms of art. But make no mistake, our becoming brokenness will BE.

So, if we are awake. If we experience a low low enough to demand ascent. If we on some level feel the shift away from our source of wholeness; we will seek to be healed. We may self anesthetize at first or tragically to the end. We may externalize the process by going to church, school, medicine, science, or give some other source of authority the power to heal us. But ultimately the return to wholeness is a solitary, often brutal, journey inward. The parent, teacher, stranger, boss, society, world, that shattered us piece by piece will not escort us back to wholeness. That's an inside job. A masterpiece that most likely will take the rest of your life creating once you begin.

Some of us stumble unknowingly at first, right into the medium that will shed a light into the dark, scary place inside just enough to barely see the way back to the brilliant spirit we once were in those first few precious breaths. Meditation, walks in nature, solitary runs of inhumane lengths, a desperate prayer on the bathroom floor, a life threatening or terminal disease that truly only you alone must face, the death of someone precious, the magic of music, the miracle of mindful movement, a moment that truly does stand still in defiance of time, or perhaps a combination of any of the fore-mentioned, may just shift the delicate balancing act of keeping it together enough to reverse the journey outward back inward. I cannot begin to explain why some of us suffer in a tragic medium, some are blissed out in a miraculous medium, and still others never even find or recognize their medium to return back home.

May you sing. May you dance. May you love. May you pause in wonderment of nature. May you mourn. May you marvel. May you find your medium to heal. May you use this life to return to your pure perfect whole spirit so that your eyes can find communion in those seeking solace that it is possible. Oh, Leonard Cohen, your genius itself in the gift of poem and melody------Come Healing

O gather up the brokenness

And bring it to me now

The fragrance of those promises

You never dared to vow

The splinters that you carry

The cross you left behind

Come healing of the body

Come healing of the mind

And let the heavens hear it

The penitential hymn

Come healing of the spirit

Come healing of the limb

Behold the gates of mercy

In arbitrary space

And none of us deserving

The cruelty or the grace

O solitude of longing

Where love has been confined

Come healing of the body

Come healing of the mind

O see the darkness yielding

That tore the light apart

Come healing of the reason

Come healing of the heart

O troubled dust concealing

An undivided love

The heart beneath is teaching

To the broken heart above

Let the heavens falter

Let the earth proclaim

Come healing of the altar

Come healing of the name

O longing of the branches

To lift the little bud

O longing of the arteries

To purify the blood

And let the heavens hear it

The penitential hymn

Come healing of the spirit

Come healing of the limb

O let the heavens hear it

The penitential hymn

Come healing of the spirit

Come healing of the limb

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